My writer's block

Yeah, I know. It's been ages since I've written, but not because I don't have anything to say. Specifically, there's something I've wanted to share with all of you for months, but haven't figured out how to put it delicately. Here it is: Nestlé pees weird.

Here's what I mean. A normal dog such as myself takes time to sniff the target area before peeing. You can't, nor should you, pee just anywhere. Plus, it's a courtesy to the person on the other end of the leash that she should pause. Well, Nestlé's method is to do this: walk walk walk walk walk walk SQUAT! PEE! walk walk walk walk walk walk… It's ridiculous. Thelma & Louise invariably jerk backward when Nestlé sees fit to pee without any warning, which causes them to involuntarily jerk my leash & cause me to stop short. Boy is that annoying.

You might ask what is the proper method of urination. Glad you asked. I'm working on a White paper on the subject, but I'll sum it up for you, gentle readers.

First and foremost, one must choose a suitable place onto which to release one's urine. One must select the spot carefully, through much sniffing. And you can't just pass over the spot once; you might have to sniff it several times, going back and sniffing it over and over and over and over again, until you are absolutely certain this is indeed the spot that is in need of your contribution and would benefit from your thoughtfulness.

Don't be hasty: you might have to walk back 2-3 feet and re-sniff the spot many, many times. (Thelma is still telling people how I once "paced" in front of the low wall at 96th Street and Central Park West 38 times before finally stopping & lifting my leg over it to pee. Hey, that's how long it took. And you know what? If you walk back and forth and sniff and sniff and you're unsure whether to pee, or you change your mind, by all means lower your leg and keep on walking. Ignore the huffs and sighs and incredulous exclamations from your person. She is out there for you, not the other way around, you understand? It takes as long as it takes.

But Nestlé doesn't get it. Oh, she does plenty of sniffing, don't get me wrong, but she's haphazard in her decision-making. She'll sniff every weed growing out of every crack in the sidewalk, plenty of bicycle tires and fences, lots and lots of grass & cobblestones surrounding the trees planted along the sidewalk. But she often squats and pees without even a cursory review of the spot.

I don't get it. But it gets on my nerves.

Sorry you had to wait so long to read about this, but I hope you understand what I had to work with.